taylor lee aidibi-dotson’s blog

So I know I shouldn't post this yet, but since these people never see this particular blog I will post a few of the gifts I have been making for people.

This one is for my friend Naheed. I am hoping she will like it- this stuff was a lot of fun to make.
I made a woodburned wall plaque (of her and her man), a pair of feather horse earrings (because she likes horses), and a scarf with an anchor for her man (she told me he likes anchors). I am really proud of it- It's her birthday/holidays/wedding gift, haha.

work in progress

finished gift

scarf

This one I did for my friend Rachel. I am making similar ones for some of the super awesome girls in my life. I hope they like them. 

necklace

We are having a martini party this Friday so I have been busting ass to get everything done. We rearranged our whole living room and now it is starting to look pretty good. There is so much more space!

new arrangement

Chris took me to Ali Babas last night for dinner. That is my favorite restaurant in Knoxville. I pretty much live there these days (definitely has been good to us since we first moved up). Everyone is so friendly to us and the food is awesome (I love my Lebanese cuisine)!

ali babas

chris at ali babas

ali babas

Hope everyone has a good holiday!

happy holidays!

What's your favorite thing to drink when it's cold outside?

Republic of Tea chai, freshly mulled apple cider, or hazelnut truffle hot chocolate.

Show us what winter means to you.

happy holidays!

If you could perform alongside any artist (actor, dancer, musician, etc.), who would it be, and what would you perform? 
Submitted by Kristin. 

Well, that is a hard question.
I and my huband were fortunate enough to play alongside some of the people from a few of our favorite bands (Love as Laughter, Modest Mouse, and ManMan), even if it was only because our friend Naheed (the lead singer of Modest Mouse's fiancee) got us in and then only because we all decided to go play music (you could call it that although it was generally everyone just grabbing an instrument and all drunken hell breaking loose) in the street behind the venue. I definitely want to do that again, although next time I hope I have my autoharp and we aren't moving the next day (I can't believe we turned down going to New Orleans with them. We suck!).

tecate grove

I would love to play a show with the guys from Wolf Parade, the Shins, Buena Vista Social Club, or David Bowie. I would probably perform stuff we collaborate on.
I would love to make a film with Michel Gondry or Miranda July. Maybe a film about a guy that rides bikes and follows people around town, making stories up about what their lives are like. Yes, he gets hit by a bus in the end. It's sad.
I would love to act in a film with Javier Bardem, Natalie Portman, Cillian Murphy, or Shirley Maclaine. Probably a drama about Bohemian Grove and a government conspiracy. With a love story and murders. I play Shirley Maclaine's son's niece or something like that.
I would love to collaborate on comic books with Adrian Tomine, Nathan Thomas Milliner, or Jamie McKelvie. It doesn't matter what we would work on...I just think they are all incredibly talented in fun, different ways.
I would love to take photographs with anyone who wants to take photos with me, famous or infamous.

So....yea. I obviously think about this a lot while I'm at work, haha.

Show us what makes you unique.

my cooking

mobile

new earrings

So....

I've been making earrings for a while now. Most of mine are on sale at Lox Salon in downtown Knoxville/Old City, but I am thinking of opening an etsy shop as well due to popular demand (my web site is taking forever to set up so etsy seems like a reasonable alternative. i work at my real job too much now). Each set takes approximately 45 minutes to put together, draw out, make, etc so it is a lot of work and I really don't make money off of them after supplies and other fees but I enjoy making them and shall continue to do so.

My favorite set right now is these which i unfortunately don't have a better photo of (I'm keeping this set but I may make a similar one to sell) with tiny deer and owls on them.

blue eyes

Usually, I make feather earrings so I am sure you will see a bunch of them on here or at my flickr site. I realize that feathers are not for everyone but there is something native about them that I like. Being a bit Cherokee and Lebanese, among several other more prominent origins, I feel some sort of attachment to them as a symbol of where I come from.

Last night I sat down and drafted/colored a bunch of the charms I make for the earrings (and necklaces, when applicable). I use shrinky-dinks because I like how they work in the oven (it is so fun to watch) and they are just fun to work with in general. I used to print my drawings onto them but now I handdraw everything. It adds a more personal touch, especially since I am trying to make everything ooak.

On the left, you can see the original pieces before baking. On the right you can see what they look like after baking. Most of the ones on the right were about the same size as those on the left.

What's your musical horoscope?  (Put your player on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that come up.) 

1- This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Talking Heads
2- MP3 by John Vanderslice
3- Rifle by June Madrona
4- Fireworks by Animal Collective
5- Child-Hearted Losers by Sunset Rubdown
6- Shiver by Holopaw
7- Songs for the Fields by Fields
8- La Sitiera by Omara Portuondo
9- Polka by Yves Klein Blue
10- Carousel by Beirut

So, my husband cheated on me. While it wasn't physical cheating, what I found was disgusting and inconsiderate on him part. I genuinely hate myspace now.
I have been trying to cope through this whole ordeal with our marriage's dissolution, trying to understand why this is happening to us. I have tried everything to fix our marriage and now I don't even know if I want to be married or not. I am so tired of dealing with all this.
I was sitting in my living room the other night. My husband had fallen asleep on the couch. I was working on something on my laptop and got on my myspace. When I was about to turn off the computer, I had an epiphany. I decided to check his myspace. It wasn't a conscious decision but I did it all the same. He had been receiving messages 3-4 times a day from a girl in a neighboring town. I'm not jealous but I was curious why this young girl was talking to him so much. His behavior had changed so drastically. He barely talked to me and if he did it was usually about his band or needing to work on the computer in the other room. He made no effort to work on our marriage and never really has made an effort at all. Unfortunately, her account had been hacked recently so most conversations between them were lost, but the few that were there shocked me entirely. The first message was so disgusting (and it was an ongoing conversation between them) that I was greatly appalled. The second one I saw was equally shocking, as it turned out the work he was doing in the other room involved talking to her late at night! In fact, it looked as if they talked quite a bit.
I sat there with cold realization. I'm not stupid. Whether he had been with her in person or not was irrelevant at this point. He had claimed he was attracted to me, yet wouldn't touch me hardly....yet he seemed very attracted to this young cumslut of a girl. She is absolutely disgusting of a creature and I am equally disgusted that he would even seek out someone like that. I don't know her, but her profile is so ridden with atrocities (and she's atheist, a scorpio, and so young to top it off) that even I was offended.
So, I wake his ass up.
And he tells me that was the only time they flirted, the only time they talked on AIM......which I believe is complete and utter bullshit. This is the FOURTH time this has happened in our relationship.
No wonder he didn't want to work on our marriage!
So we stayed up until 5:30am talking about it. He told me he would write her and tell her never to speak to him again (which he did, but they kept talking anyway from what I saw). He said he didn't know why he said what he said and that he wasn't attracted to her, which is proposterous. He asked me if he would go to counseling would I still be willing to work on our marriage and I said that at this point I didn't know. He has been saying he had issues and needs counseling for at least a year now. I pretty much can never trust him again. Despite my fidelity issues, they never bordered on anything sexual or physical. Not that I'm proud of that, for a feel terrible about it, but I knew where to draw the line. He never has known where to draw the line and he usually has kept the truth from me until he's accidentally let it slip later on.
So then he writes this sad post on myspace about how he broke my heart and that he's sorry he ever came into my life and hoped i could forgive him. He made this public. So I wrote him back and said it wasn't cool that he cheated on me and that his not helping fix our marriage sucked. He made the post private then. So now, all his friends and our friends have been writing him saying they are there for him and all that. Most of these people did not even talk to me. Not saying I'm a victim, but how obvious is it that they only care about him? He CHEATED on me. He does NOT want to fix our marriage (no matter how much he claims to, I know better now). So if they are making it their business, why are they acting like I have hurt him and he needs consolation?
It just really aggravates me.
So I wrote a more vague post on myspace, as always. I didn't want to do it, but I wanted people to know that it wasn't his depression causing his problems but his lying, cheating, and indecisiveness. It was unfair to use that as a scapegoat and it made people think I did things to make him not love me. He has a way of not taking responsibility for his actions. I called his grandmother because I am completely worried about his behavior and think he needs help. She said:  a) i need to get him in church (he is a devout atheist), b) I need to wear slips and act sexy for him (which I did until he became a complete asshole to me and would never show me the slightest hint of affection. two years of that mess)., c)she doesn't want to meddle in his business, d)she thinks moving away from dayton (and his friends and family) caused him to cheat on me and become an atheist, e) she says I should sit him down and talk to him (which I do pretty much once a week at least because nothing has been resolved for 3 years), f) he should move down there for a while so that we'll miss each other (which would be fine if he wasn't so dependent on them and cheating on me), g)
to talk to that girl and tell her to leave my husband alone (which would be fine except that HE was the one instigating the flirtations. I think she is just that way with everyone).
So, that was pretty much useless.
So I went to my therapist and she pretty much told me he was too immature for me and that I need to get out because he is just bringing me down. I hate it because I love him, but his behavior is slowly getting worse and worse and as much as I love him and try to help him, I can't understand why he is treating me so horribly.
And if I mirror his actions, he is even meaner to me.
Is he just staying with me because we have a nice place to live? I wonder sometimes.
Now I feel like he is simply manipulating and hurting me and I can't understand why. It has been driving me crazy.
So we talked it out, and now he is saying he wants to go to counseling. I have heard this forever and now I don't know what the point is because now he pretty much doesn't care about me and has been doing all this bad stuff.
I just don't know what to do. Let go or no? It is such a hard decision to make when you love someone.
I can't even touch him without feeling that he doesn't love me. I feel it. It is a terrifying feeling to have these days.

I guess I should start by saying that I am going through a rather hard time in life now. Not one of those times where I am dying or anything crazy like that, but just some difficult things that are hard to decipher at times. I am wanting to start anew, to fix the stagnancy that had taken me over.
I cut my hair this past weekend after growing it out for a year. That was the first step.
And I started therapy. Not because I'm crazy but because I needed help understanding how to let go of a potentially unhealthy situation that I could not bring myself to even think about giving up on earlier this year.
I am ready to get out, make more friends, and take my life back before the situation kills me. Everyone has told me to get out of it and now I am finally listening. I know I deserve better than the way I am being treated and I may not be the best person but I certainly should not be treated in such a manner.  Am I sad? Of course. I'm miserable about it and have been for a year now. But I can't keep kicking a dead horse. I can't keep grieving for someone that has no concern for me. Why fight the inevitable? I try to be strong but I have found how weak I really am. It is no one's fault, but I need to get back on my feet and quit living for someone who can't decide if they want to be with me or not. It's ridiculous at this point.
So I am sad but I am working through it, slowly but surely. I have made my decision and plan to stick with it, as much as it hurts and as terrible as I feel for feeling such a way. Unless something drastic occurs, my decision will be final.

So, hello world.